Struggling to get turned on? Here are 6 ways to get there!

March 02,2021

Does getting turned on feel like a Herculean task sometimes? 

It can feel so frustrating to want to want sex, but just not want it. 

So today I’ve got your back with 6 ways to get yourself turned on! 

Turn On Tip #1: Think About Sex

A lot of people think that sex should just naturally come to mind, but the reality is that you often need to make an active effort to bring sex into your thoughts.

Sure, sometimes it will pop into your mind randomly, and some people naturally think about sex more than others.

But for many other people, thinking about sex will need to be purposeful. That doesn’t make it any less fun!

So take a few minutes to reminisce about one of your favorite experiences, think about something you’re curious about trying, or visualize your partner touching you in your favorite way.

Turn On Tip #2: Plan To Be Turned On

For some people, scheduling sex can create a sense of anticipation. Knowing that you’re going to have sex at some point in the future—but not now —can be a great tease.

(Not sure about this whole scheduling sex thing? We have a masterclass that will change your mind! You’ll discover our step-by-step process for scheduling sex in the right way, so you feel tons of anticipation and excitement!)

Get yourself worked up by thinking about an upcoming sex date, and talk about that anticipation with your partner.

Turn On Tip #3: Create The Right Environment

Desire needs the right atmosphere! 

It’s hard to relax and get turned on when you’re surrounded by utter chaos. 

You can get yourself in the mood by setting the scene for arousal. Here are some ideas:

Turn On Tip #4: Connect To Your Body

Most of us spend all day up in our heads, then struggle to get into our bodies when we want to be intimate. If you want to feel more desire, take a little time to come home to your body first. 

There are so many different ways to do this, but here are a few ideas:

Turn On Tip #5: Get Started

A lot of people don’t feel turned on until after they’ve already started being physically intimate. There’s actually a name for this: Responsive Desire! (Click here to get a free guide about the two sex drive types.)

If you’ve ever had sex when you weren’t in the mood, only to realize halfway through that you were actually enjoying yourself, it’s very likely that you’re a Responsive type. 

If that’s the case, you may want to re-jigger your expectations about the order of events when you’re being physically intimate with your partner. If you’re with a partner you trust, allow yourself to start being physical first, then see if that leads to you wanting more. 

Turn On Tip #6: Remind Yourself Why You Have Sex

It can really help to remind yourself how you typically feel during or after having sex with your partner. 

The more specific you can get, the better. Maybe you feel like sex is the only time you and your partner get to play with each other. Maybe you love the way your partner comes in for a snuggle after you’re done. Maybe you always forget how pleasurable sex actually is. 

These little reminders can be great for helping you get excited about the idea of being intimate. 


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I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!