The Fuck First rule: A super simple trick to help you have more – and better – sex

June 08,2021

Want to know Xander and my favorite “rule” for our sex life?

Fuck First! 

Advice columnist Dan Savage originally came up with this rule, which he defined as having sex before you go out to a fancy dinner date or big party, rather than waiting until you get home at the end of the night.

While Xander and I haven’t been going out for many dates or parties this last year, we’ve adapted Fuck First to mean having sex before dinner. 

Both Xander and I LOVE food. I try to remind myself to eat slowly and stop before I’m full, but if I’m eating something really good, it’s soooo easy for me to wind up feeling stuffed to the gills. 

And I have a pretty sensitive stomach, so restaurant takeout tends to bloat me and make me feel heavy and tired. 

If I eat a big or special meal, the likelihood of me wanting to have sex afterwards is extremely low! 

Have you ever tried to wriggle your way into tight, strappy lingerie when your belly is distended? 

Have you ever gotten the dreaded “Whiskey Dick” after one too many cocktails?

Have you ever desperately tried to hold back a fart while your partner was going down on you?

If so, then you would benefit from the Fuck First rule!

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Obviously the logistics may be trickier or not always possible depending on individual circumstances. Everyone’s life looks different. 

But whenever you can, try to have sex as early as possible! 

Here are some creative ways to make it happen:

So go ahead and Fuck First! It’s a great reminder to prioritize intimacy and connection! 

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HI THERE!

I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!