Last week I covered the main reasons why women come in to see me. Today I’m back to share the top five reasons why men seek sex therapy and sex coaching.
Ejaculation problems
The average man ejaculates after two to five minutes. Early ejaculation is subjective, in that it means different things to different men. You might be upset if you ejaculate in under two minutes, while another man might feel frustrated with himself if he doesn’t last fifteen minutes.
A lot of you men out there also feel pressure to last long enough for your partners. Some of my clients have been ridiculed or shamed by their partners after ejaculating quickly. Others feel like they have to time their orgasms perfectly with their partners’.
I also see men who feel that they take too long to reach orgasm. Some men require thirty, even sixty minutes of stimulation in order to ejaculate. Other men don’t orgasm very frequently, or at all.
Erectile difficulties
There are three kinds of erection problems that my male clients report – having a hard time getting an erection before sex starts, having difficulty sustaining an erection during sex, and having an erection that isn’t very strong.
Having problems getting or maintaining an erection can create a great deal of stress. If you’ve had erectile difficulties, the odds are that you started approaching each sexual interaction with a fear that you will have problems with your erection again. It often creates a horrible self-fulfilling prophecy.
Anxiety during sex
A lot of women don’t understand the pressure that many of you men feel in the bedroom. During heterosexual sex, guys are expected to be the initiators and leaders in a sexual interaction. You’re supposed to be able to be hard enough, last long enough, and perform well enough.
All of this pressure and expectation can leave you feeling distracted and disconnected during sex. Then your partner complains that you’re not present during sex. Sometimes it might feel like you just can’t win!
Loss of sexual desire
A number of factors can cause a man’s sex drive to start decreasing, and the experience is almost always terrifying. Most of you men associate your sex drive with your identity as a man, so noticing your libido start to decrease can be perceived as a threat to your masculinity.
Wanting to be a good partner
Quite a few of my male clients come in for sex therapy to learn how to be better lovers. I always appreciate when a client understands that sex therapy isn’t just for when you’re having problems with your sex life.
You may want to improve your sexual skills or learn what your partner is asking for when she asks you to be more present with her. You may have a partner who has been sexually abused and in need of sensitivity. You may be wanting to protect or improve your sexual chemistry.
Other issues that bring my male clients in to see me include low or no sexual desire, sexual trauma, body consciousness, and sexual shame.
