In my house, my husband does most of the cooking. (I’m a very lucky lady!)

Every morning, he’ll ask me, “What do you want for breakfast? I could make an omelette with veggies and herbs, or yogurt with granola and shredded coconut and cacao nibs, or those really good grain free banana pancakes, or a breakfast bowl with plantains, black beans, and pico de gallo. What sounds good to you?“ My mouth is watering just writing that sentence!

When I was single, I would just eat the same things over and over again. I wasn’t very good at cooking, and didn’t have a desire to learn. My breakfast most mornings was oatmeal. Plain oatmeal, zapped in a microwave with some water.

Which breakfast situation do you think made me feel more excited? In what scenario was I most likely to eat breakfast instead of skipping it?

The first of course!

Having more options on the table greatly increases the likelihood that you’ll say “Yes” to one of them.

If I know my only option is plain old oatmeal, I’m going to skip breakfast half the time because there’s just nothing to get excited about.

But when I have multiple options to choose from, my decision transforms from “Should I eat breakfast or not?” into “Which breakfast option should I choose?”

This same trick works wonders with sex.

Put more choices on the menu when you’re initiating intimacy with your partner.

Change the decision from, “Should I have the same boring, predictable sex we always have?” to “Which of these sexy, intriguing options should I choose from?”

Most couples tend to default to doing the exact same thing in the bedroom over and over again. Heterosexual couples in particular, tend to default to having intercourse.

But intercourse very quickly turns into oatmeal. (Especially for women, since it’s not the most physically pleasurable activity for women. More on this important topic next month!)

Instead, sit down with your partner, and make a list of the ways that the two of you could connect intimately. For example:

Laying in bed naked together.
Having a make-out session.
Masturbating together.
Talking dirty together about a fantasy.
One partner focusing on the other partner.
Getting each other off with your hands.
Oral sex.
Watching porn or reading erotica together.

These are just a few examples, because the possibilities truly are endless.

When you initiate, tell your partner, “I want to spend some quality time with you. Would you be open to getting into bed naked together, or giving each other massages, or reading more of our erotic novel?”

Even just having a conversation with your partner about the fact that you want to redefine what “sex” means to you can work wonders for your relationship, and help you both feel more excited about being intimate with each other.

So get rid of your oatmeal and start putting some French Toast and frittatas on your menu!

This is another technique plucked right out of my online course for couples with mismatched sex drives: The Passion Project: A Couples Blueprint To Rediscovering Desire And Reigniting The Spark. Let me share a story about how one of the couples who went through the course used this trick. (For the record, I got permission to share this story, and I’ve changed or omitted any identifying details.)

Today’s couple is George and Brianna. They’re in their 40s, and their family is rounded out by a trio of beloved cats. Brianna has always had the higher sex drive in their relationship. They both came into the relationship thinking that the man is supposed to be the one who has the higher sex drive, so they’ve both struggled with self-judgment. Both of their sex drives have been depleted over the years.

Brianna says: “We’re one of those stereotypical couples you talk about who only ever has intercourse, and we have it the exact same way, every single time. But we never acknowledged how bored we both were in the bedroom. We sat down together and made a list of all of the different things we could do in the bedroom together. It was like a breath of fresh air for our relationship, and made us both feel more excited about connecting.”

George says, “Just yesterday, Brianna asked if I would be open to wrestling in bed. I was feeling exhausted that day, and not in the mood for sex, but it was such a funny request that I said ‘yes’. Once we got into bed and started goofing around, things unfolded from there, and I found myself wanting way more than just a wrestling match.”

Ready To Rediscover Desire And Reignite Your Spark?

If you’re interested in learning more simple, practical tips that can help you and your partner overcome mismatched sex drives and have a more frequent, more pleasurable, and more satisfying sex life, check out The Passion Project.