Awkward, fun, nerve-wracking, and exciting: all words that our community used to describe first-time sex with a new partner. There can be a lot of high expectations and common misconceptions about first times, so today we’re going to be helping you navigate the waters of getting it on with someone new.

Even if you’re in a long term relationship, there are tips on communicating with your partner about sex. And of course, we had to share the embarrassing details about our first time!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to decide when it’s the right time to have sex with your new partner, and what you want out of the experience
• How to be honest with yourself about what sex brings up for you emotionally
• How to communicate with your new partner about sex

Here’s a glance at this episode

[00:48] We talk all about our first time together — and we get real

[7:00] Is Xander a grower or a shower?

[10:42] Our Instagram community weighs in on what it was like the last time they have sex with someone new and Vanessa talks about the WORST sex she’s ever had

[14:58] We start our tips for having fantastic first-time sex with someone new

[17:57] The importance of protection, testing, and consent (and how to talk about it)

[26:43] What we think about the “3rd date rule”

[31:09] Hey wait a second, I forgot my granny panties!

[33:41] Drinking and first-time sex (one of our most important tips)

[34:32] How to normalize talking about sex from the beginning of a new relationship

[37:56] The Poster Children of ‘not great’ first-time sex

[44:53] Listener question: “I’m dating again after ending a 10 year relationship. I have a sense of grief around not having that familiarity with my partner’s body, likes, and dislikes. How do I get over that?”

[46:43] Listener question: “How to say no respectfully and set boundaries”

[50:18] Listener question: “I have no idea what’s in style for pubic hair, and I’m really anxious about this for some reason”

[52:10] Listener question: “For Xander – do guys want us women to tell them what we need to get off?”

Links & resources

• Podcast Episode: No Your Partner Didn’t Make You Feel That Way — Your Feelings Are Your Responsibility
• Free Guide: Are You Sexually Compatible?

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It’s the sex education you wish you had!

Want your questions answered on the show? Send us a DM or voice memo @vanessaandxander, or leave us a message at +1-774-PIL-LOW1. We’d love to hear from you!

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