We’re back this week with another coaching episode — where we listen to real voice notes from real listeners who are navigating some seriously relatable challenges.
From craving more pleasure but not knowing how to ask for it… to dealing with desire differences after kids and trying to orgasm for the first time (yes, ever) — we’re holding space for your stories.
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:
- “Is this it?”
- “Why don’t I want sex more?”
- “How do I even bring this up with my partner?“
You’re not alone — and this episode is for you.
We’re walking through these submissions with curiosity, compassion, and practical tools to help these couples — and you — feel more connected, more confident, and more turned on by your sex life again.
What we’re going deep on:
- When your sex life is fine but also kind of meh
- Why you might not know what you want and how to figure it out
- How to handle performance anxiety (without hurting anyone’s feelings)
- What to do if you’ve never had an orgasm (you’re not broken!)
- When your partner wants sex every day and you’d rather do anything else
- How to stop making sex feel like just another to-do
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Our affordable, all-access monthly membership packed with expert-led courses, playful date night ideas, live coaching calls, and Vanessa AI — your on-demand sex therapist bestie.
Whether you’re craving more excitement or just want a refresher on what actually feels good — these guides make foreplay easier, hotter, and way more fun for both of you.
Never had an orgasm? Not sure where to start? This course helps you overcome the emotional and physical blocks that might be getting in the way of pleasure.
How to Have Your First Orgasm (Free Guide)
A gentle, shame-free introduction to learning what feels good — and how to actually enjoy it.
Are you responsive or spontaneous? This guide will help you understand your own desire type — and why it’s been causing friction in your relationship (spoiler: it’s not your fault).
Performance Issues? We’ve got you
If you or your partner are struggling with performance anxiety or feeling pressure to “last longer,” check out these resources:
- How to Talk to Your Male Partner About Performance Issues
- Ep. 149: Partner Performance Problems? Here’s What To Do And What NOT To Do
- Ep. 47: What Penis Performance Problems Really Mean
- What to Do If You Have Performance Anxiety About Your Orgasm
Stay Connected
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Follow us on Instagram — @vanessaandxander for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy.
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If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It’s the sex education you wish you had!
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