How To Overcome Sexual Shame With Our 7-Step Process

August 18,2022

Let’s talk about the thing that keeps you up at night. The thing that you don’t bring up over drinks with friends. The thing that you don’t even admit to yourself if we are being honest.

Let’s talk about the shame surrounding sex.

Our Instagram audience tells us that 74% of us have experienced it in our lifetime, with 30% currently going through it. (But we’d bet real money that both of those numbers are much higher.) There are so many things that plague us when it comes to sex: body counts, sexual identities, doing things “the right way”, doing something too much or not enough or not at all.

It’s EXHAUSTING, but it doesn’t have to be!

Sex should be about pleasure and joy, freedom and exploration, certainly not about worry and regret. In this episode, we walk you through reprogramming the way you approach sex in your life, in 7 steps.

As a bonus to this episode, we’re also giving you a PDF guide with our 7 step process to deconstructing shame around sex. Click here for the download!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[2:49] How shame inadvertently sparked our business

[8:05] Let’s get into the list of shame

[9:16] Am I supposed to have a higher sex drive than him?

[11:50] Keeping track of the your body count

[12:45] Wearing your shame both inside and out

[15:45] There is a way out!

[16:38] Step 1: You were not born this way

[20:09] Step 2: Embrace your inner Amy Santiago/Sherlock Holmes

[27:10] Step 3: You are the boss of you

[31:00] Step 4: Don’t stop believin’

[37:00] Step 5: Be an army of 1 and reinforce yourself

[42:17] Step 6: Celebration of pride

[47:24] Step 7: Hack your brain and do more of this!

Links & resources

How To STOP Getting Distracted During Sex
How to Talk About Sex

Also listen on


How Much Sex Should You Really Be Having?


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I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!