Initiation: What You And Your Partner Are Doing Wrong – And How To Get It Right

November 17, 2022


Initiation is SUPPOSED to feel sexy and enticing. When we see it on TV, it always looks so easy. One partner looks at the other from across the room, you can see in their eyes how much they want each other, one partner presses the other up against the wall and it’s game on! But for so many of us, initiation feels more like an annoyance than a seduction. We polled our audience on Instagram and discovered that at least half of our audience regularly gets frustrated by their partner’s initiation tactics.

Initiation can be tricky because emotions can run high for both partners for very different reasons. One partner could be trying to feel connected, while the other is balancing cooking dinner, kids schedules, unreturned emails, and just not being in that headspace. Or maybe your partner waits to initiate until the 11th hour, when you’re desperate for sleep after a long day.

In this episode, we examine both sides of failed initiation attempts. We share real life examples of some traps that we’ve personally fallen into along the way. And, most importantly, we offer simple solutions for both initiator and the exasperated partner. This is a fantastic episode to listen to with your partner – or to play loudly from the other room when they’re around!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • 11 reasons why we get frustrated by a partner initiating (and accessible workarounds for each one)
  • How to dismantle the defense mechanisms that get in the way of successful initiation
  • The importance of connection, and why a little planning goes a long way

Here’s a glance at this episode:

[3:15] Somebody has to get things started

[6:30] Review of the week

[10:10] Our 11 tips start here

[11:56] Your partner’s not a squeeze toy

[17:37] Spray and pray gets you nowhere

[20:42] Our variation of the fuck first rule

[23:25] Are you ok being woken up for sex?

[27:54] Just another thing on the to-do list

[38:28] Alone time is just as important as couple’s time

[41:15] Connection and intimacy starts mentally and emotionally

[43:09] What’s in it for me?

[45:44] The sneak attack and the unexpected shame that follows

[48:46] When your gear shift is manual and not automatic

[51:51] Your partner’s outside influences could be roadblocks inside the bedroom

[53:39] Sex invitations + expectations = obligations

[55:24] Initiation golden rule #1

[56:20] Initiation golden rule #2

Links & resources:

Bring Your Sex Life Back To Life

Initiation 101

Foreplay Guides

Next Level Intercourse

Better, Hotter, More

Mental Load Workbook

Sex Drive Types

Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?

Episode 73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner?

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