Why so many women can’t orgasm from sex

December 19,2019

You see women orgasming from sex in the movies, on TV, and in porn. 

You see women’s magazines and articles online talking about the G-spot and the U-spot and the A-spot.

But you’ve never been able to get there during sex. Sometimes it feels like you’re not even close. 

So you’re curious… 

Is it possible for you to have an orgasm from sex? Or is something wrong with you?

I’ve devoted the last 15+ years of my life to teaching thousands of women how to have their very first orgasms, on their own and with their partners! I even created the first comprehensive online orgasm course for women, Finishing School: Learn How To Orgasm. So you’ve come to the right place to get answers to your questions!

Here’s crucial, science-backed truth about female orgasm that you need to know…

Women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. 

But intercourse typically doesn’t create a lot of clitoral stimulation. 

The myth that women are supposed to orgasm from penetration stems from a belief that women’s bodies are supposed to operate the same way men’s bodies do. Intercourse creates the kind of stimulation that men need to reach orgasm. So if penetration works for men, it should work for women, right? 

Uh, no.

Let’s take a quick scientific detour to illustrate just how ridiculous this belief actually is. 

For babies developing in the womb, the same tissues that make a penis for a male make a clitoris for a female. They’re biological equivalents. 

And, most importantly, they’re both the pleasure centers of the female and male bodies. It has been scientifically proven time and time again that women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, just as men require penile stimulation to reach orgasm. 

So if the clitoris and the penis are biological equivalents, and if they’re both the pleasure centers of their respective genders, why do we make women feel bad for needing clitoral stimulation to orgasm? 

We certainly don’t make men feel bad for needing penile stimulation! 

Sadly, it gets even worse. 

By expecting women to orgasm from penetration, we’re asking women to orgasm from stimulating a part of their body that doesn’t have a ton of nerve endings. 

Let’s take another quick scientific detour here.

Want to know the biological equivalent of the vaginal canal? The prostatic utricle! (It’s a small indentation in the urethra.)

Expecting a woman to have an orgasm from penetration is like expecting a man to have an orgasm from stimulating his prostatic utricle (if you can even figure out how to do that!). 

I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t see any magazines pressuring men to orgasm from prostatic utricle stimulation! 

And there’s more!

Let’s look at this another way. The clitoris has eight or nine thousand nerve endings. The vaginal canal has so few nerve endings that there’s not even a scientific tally of them. 

From a nerve ending standpoint, we could say expecting a woman to have an orgasm from penetration is like expecting a man to have an orgasm from having his knee massaged. 

Even if we’re being generous with this analogy, it’s like expecting a man to have an orgasm from having his balls tugged. Sure, a knee massage or a ball tugging might feel pleasurable, and it’s perfectly fine to explore your knee or your balls and find pleasure there, but it’s not enough to lead to orgasm for the vast majority of people.

So the bottom line is this: female orgasm is really all about the clitoris. It’s normal to not orgasm from intercourse!

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HI THERE!

I'm Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and writer specializing in helping you have more fun in the bedroom.

I have bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies. I’m also a licensed psychotherapist. I’ve been working in the sex therapy field since 2002 and have been featured by The New York Times, O: The Oprah Magazine, Real Simple, and many more.

If you’re interested in improving your sex life, you can work with me via my online courses or personal coaching sessions. I look forward to supporting you in creating the sex life you’ve always wanted!