What to do if you feel more like roommates than partners
“It just feels so AWKWARD!”
It’s the most common response I hear when I talk to couples about trying to bring some romance back into their relationship.
So many of us feel like we’re just roommates with our partner.
We enjoy each other’s company, but it just doesn’t feel like a romantic relationship anymore.
So I’m giving you a three-step plan for how to ease back into being romantic if you’re feeling shy or embarrassed, or if it’s just been way too long since you and your partner have been romantic with each other.
Step 1: Embrace the awkward
Look, we all get into awkward periods with our relationships.
But you know what else was awkward and/or challenging?
Asking your partner out on a first date.
Going in for that first kiss.
Saying, “I love you” for the first time.
But you embraced the uncertainty and discomfort in those moments, and they’re now probably among your favorite relationship memories!
You can get out of your rut now by recognizing that awkwardness is inevitable, and can even be a little fun if you change your mindset.
You can convince yourself that you’re too anxious about how your partner will react to try to plan a romantic date night out…
…Or you could remind yourself that that anxious feeling is awfully similar to the wonderful butterflies you used to get at the beginning of your relationship!
Step 2: Acknowledge it
If you’re feeling really stuck, why not try talking to your partner about it?
Say something like, “I was thinking today about all the cute stuff we used to do when we first started dating. I want to do stuff like that again because it’s what made me fall in love with you in the first place! But you know what’s funny… I feel kinda silly and awkward when I think about actually doing it! What would you think if we tried to get back in that spirit?”
Sometimes just speaking our fears out loud can make them go away!
And odds are that your partner has been having the same kinds of thoughts, and has also felt nervous about initiating.
Acknowledging the awkwardness can actually end up being a real bonding opportunity!
Step 3: Get inspired
A lot of times people struggle with romance because they just don’t know what, specifically, to do.
So our team got together and came up with a list of our favorite ways to be romantic.
We want to support you by giving you tons of concrete ideas to get your creativity flowing.
You might not love every idea, but you’re bound to find at least a few that inspire you!
- Send your partner a text or email that says, “Just thinking about you right now, and wanted to let you know!”
- Make eye contact with your partner. You’ll be surprised by how vulnerable this can feel!
- Pick a new restaurant to take your partner to, make a reservation, and send them a mysterious calendar invite that just says, “Date night.”
- Do something around the house without being asked. (Bonus points if it’s something you said you would do a long time ago!)
- Give your partner an unexpected compliment.
- Cook a delicious meal.
- Surprise your partner when they are out of the house by doing their least favorite chore(s) for them.
- Book a couples massage at a nice hotel or spa.
- Leave hidden notes for them. One day Vanessa put these silly stickers all over my stuff. Now I think about her and smile everytime I see them.
From Jenny (my sister and right hand woman):
- Bring your partner breakfast in bed.
- Plan out an evening or a day for your partner. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy, but make it so that your partner doesn’t have to make a single decision all day.
- Leave post-it notes around the house saying cute things.
From Indira (our customer support expert):
- Surprise your partner with a spa day, or draw them a bath and light some candles at home.
- Have a picnic in the park.
- Do sunrise or sunset yoga together.
From my parents (who have been together for 40 years!):
- Leave flowers for your partner.
- Write a nice note on a pretty card.
- Cook your partner’s favorite dinner.
- Buy your partner their favorite sweet.
- Leave a photo to remind them of a past activity you both enjoyed.
- Take the time to notice a beautiful sunset together.
- Hold hands when it’s not expected.