Be honest – the last time you initiated sex with your partner, it probably involved the phrase “should we do it?” or, “I guess it’s been a while, huh?”
Not exactly a tempting offer.
One of the unfortunate realities of long-term relationships is that we start to get really boring and predictable with our sexual initiation. When you’ve had sex a countless number of times with the same person, it’s all to easy to slip into a routine. Once you’re in that rut, it’s hard to break out of it, even when you realize just how boring it is.
Today I’m here to help you bust out of that rut with some fresh ideas for bringing excitement back into your initiation. These ideas are designed to help build anticipation, create an element of surprise, make you feel sexier, make your partner feel more desirable, and make your bedroom come alive.
Some of these ideas may feel risky. Some of them may make you blush. But that’s exactly the point. If you’re too comfortable, too predictable, the sex you have is going to feel the same way. If you put yourself on the line, if you’re vulnerable, if you try new things, sex is going to feel more exhilarating.
So, without further ado, here are eighteen creative and playful ideas for initiating sex that I recently shared in my Bustle column. Check them all out below and pick one to try tonight!
Putting On A Show
If the two of you live alone, go into your bedroom and climb on top of your bed. Start masturbating (you can get totally naked or keep some clothes on). Innocently ask your partner to come into the bedroom.
Send your partner out to run an errand, like getting the mail or picking up something from the grocery store, and tell them to get back quickly. Stand in the hallway naked or in lingerie. If you’re worried about the neighbors catching a peek, wait in your living room.
The Long Game
After you or your partner leaves in the morning, send them a text telling them what you want to do to them (or what you want them to do to you) when you both get back home. If you or your partner go out of town for a few days, taunt each other throughout the whole trip.
On small slips of paper, write down at least 10 of your favorite things to do in the bedroom together. Fold them all up, put them in a bowl, and pick one at random. Whatever you pick is what you have to do in that moment!
Start making out with or groping your partner in a moment where you can’t go any further, like in an elevator, parking garage, or at the movies. Stop and innocently pretend to go back to whatever you were doing.
The Naughty Masseuse
Offer to give your partner a massage. Have them get naked and drape a sheet or blanket over their body. Stick with the standard moves for a while, then slowly start to inch your way under the sheet.
Send your partner a sex toy in the mail, or bring a wrapped one home with you and leave it on the table. Include a note that says, “can’t wait to try this out together sometime soon.”
When you and your partner are out at dinner, at a movie, or at a friend’s house, text them and tell them that you’re not wearing any underwear.
Watch porn together or read erotica out loud to each other. See which one of you can hold out the longest before pouncing on the other.
The Lunch Break
Send your partner a text or email and ask them to meet you at home for a quickie during your lunch break. If they can’t get away that day, set a date for a future rendezvous.
Pick a song that means, “let’s have sex.” It can be a song that turns you on, or something that’s a silly inside joke between the two of you. Whenever one of you puts on the song (or you happen to randomly hear it), you know what’s up!
If you and your partner don’t get to spend a lot of time together, take advantage of the moments that you do have free. Text your partner, “I’ve got 30 minutes free right now. Come over?” Or plan ahead so you have something to look forward to.
The Soapy Surprise
Ask your partner to join you in the shower or the bath. Or get in on your own, then call out to your partner and ask them to help you soap up those hard-to-reach spots.
Make a bet on something – a sports game, a trivia question, a prediction for the future. The winner gets to boss the loser around in the bedroom.
Agree on a nonverbal signal that means you want to have sex. Something like pulling on your right ear, tapping your nose, or rubbing your knee. Make sure it’s not something you normally do. Try using it in moments where it’s easy for you to have sex (like when you’re both at home alone), and in moments where it’s trickier (like when you’re out grocery shopping).
The Remember When
Reminisce about your favorite sexual memories with your partner. When you’re just sitting around doing nothing, say something like, “remember that trip we took to Mexico? And what we did out on the balcony of our hotel room?”
The Undercover Surprise
Tell your partner you’re tired and going to get into bed early. Go into your bedroom alone, take off all your clothes, and get into bed naked. Then send your partner a text asking them to come give you an extra special tuck-in.
The Dealer’s Choice
Ask your partner to pick something out of your lingerie drawer for you to wear, and promise you’ll put on whatever they choose.