Yesterday I had a long conversation with my friend Victoria of Filthy Dirty about the sex toy industry. Victoria was filling me in on some of the differences between the American and European sex toy markets, and I learned something that I found to be incredibly sad.

Sex toys in Europe tend to be made with with less powerful motors than their counterparts in the US. Apparently the reason for this is that sex toy manufacturers know that American women are in more of a hurry than European women, and they want their masturbation sessions to take up less time. Stronger motors = faster orgasms.

I haven’t talked to any of these manufacturers personally, but I think most people would agree that Europeans as a whole tend to be more laid back and less rushed than Americans. It makes sense that those attitudes would permeate our masturbation habits too.

I’ve said before that many women have become incredibly goal-oriented about their orgasms, especially if they haven’t had their first one yet. The more open we as a society get about discussing female orgasm, the more pressure most women feel to have them. And even once they’re having orgasms, many women feel pressure to have them faster.

Now don’t get me wrong – sometimes it’s nice to have a quick orgasm. They can serve as a nice little stress relief, or an easy way to lull you into sleep.

But I firmly believe that we would all benefit from taking a more relaxed approach towards masturbation.

Compare masturbation with getting a massage. At the end of the massage, you usually feel a wonderful sense of release and deep relaxation. But every second of the massage itself can still be amazingly pleasurable. The fact that it feels best at the end doesn’t take away from all the incredible feelings in the middle.

I also started thinking – what if our orgasms take so long sometimes on purpose.

What if our bodies are trying to send us a message by delaying our orgasms?

Our bodies are trying to communicate with us all the time. That old shoulder injury that flares up whenever you’re pulling long hours at the office? Your body’s way of trying to tell you to slow the eff down. The way your body tenses up when your roommate’s creepy boyfriend is around? Your body’s way of telling you to steer clear.

Feel like it takes you forever to orgasm?

Maybe it’s your body’s way of trying to get you to chill out. “We’ve had a crazy day, and we need to relax.”

Maybe it’s your body trying to tell you, “hey, look, this is one of the few times you actually pay attention to me. I want to enjoy this!”

Maybe it’s your body trying to say, “look how good it feels to be present with me.”

What might your body be trying to tell you?