In the past few weeks, I’ve shared the top reasons why women and men come in to see me, and now I’m going over the major patterns with couples.
Wanting to find the spark again
The number one reason why couples book an appointment with me is because they feel disconnected from each other. They don’t feel the chemistry and passion that they once felt for each other. They tell me that they’ve neglected making time to be alone together, don’t put any effort into romance, and have even stopped kissing and touching each other.
Any number of factors can cause this to happen. Most couples these days are insanely stressed out. Both partners are generally exhausted from work, kids, and other responsibilities, and don’t have the time or energy to be present with each other.
The work that I do with these kinds of clients is immensely gratifying! I love being able to help couples reconnect and rediscover their love.
Improving sexual skills
We never get taught how to have good sex. I find myself repeating this phrase over and over, but it’s absolutely true!
So many of my couples come in for sex coaching because sex feels mechanical, boring, or unpleasurable. Some couples feel like they never figured out how to have great sex, while others come in for a “tune-up”.
Working on improving your sexual skills together can be a ton of fun, and a real bonding experience. I know that the idea of asking for help in this area can feel intimidating to a lot of couples, so I do my best to convey my firm belief that anyone can benefit from this kind of coaching. Whether it’s wanting to figure out how to orgasm during sex, learn some new positions, or feel more intimacy during foreplay, there’s always something new to learn!
Managing mismatched sex drives
Every couple will have to deal with mismatched sex drives at some point in their relationship. Even if you and your partner desire sex with a relatively similar frequency, there are still going to be plenty of individual moments where one partner wants sex and the other doesn’t.
Mismatches in sex drives can bring up so many different emotions. You might feel vulnerable from being rejected. You might feel guilty about saying no. You might feel angry. You might feel resentful. You might feel pressured.
Without knowing how to talk about these dynamics, you can wind up getting even more stuck in patterns with each other.
Wanting to have more sex
Studies say that 10-20% of marriages are almost completely sexless. I’d say that another 30-40% have sex very infrequently. Some of the couples that come in to see me haven’t been intimate with each other in months, or even years.
There can be lots of different reasons for this – injury, illness, life stresses, and of course, relationship problems.
While some of these situations can be quite complex, for many couples, our work together simply boils down to finding ways to make intimacy more of a priority in their lives.
Learning how to stop fighting about sex
The top two issues that couples fight about are money and sex. Arguments about sex can be so intense and painful that many couples end up breaking up.
Sex is an incredibly delicate subject. Most couples struggle with communication in general, so trying to talk about sex can be even more difficult!
I coach my clients to communicate more effectively, especially when it comes to sexual matters. I help them become teammates instead of opponents. I also show them that less fighting is only one of the many benefits of good sexual communication!
