Initiation: What You’re Getting Wrong And How To Get It Right

September 25, 2025

#227

Hot take: when you finally get initiation right, your entire sex life opens up.

Think about it. No more awkward “was that supposed to be a signal?” moments. No more pressure on just one person to get things started. And no more cycle of rejection and resentment. When initiation feels fun, confident, and mutual, everything else in your sex life starts to feel easier, more connected, and a lot more exciting.

We’re back with a re-air of one of our most popular episodes ever, because initiation is one of the biggest challenges couples face.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • The biggest mistakes couples make when it comes to initiation (and what to do instead).
  • Why one partner often feels all the pressure, and how to change it up and share the spark.
  • How to shift from frustration and rejection to connection and desire.
  • Practical strategies to make initiation feel exciting, flirty, fun, and hot again.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated, annoyed, or even rejected by your partner’s initiation attempts (or lack of them), this conversation will help you see both sides of the equation and give you totally do-able techniques you can try tonight.

$40 FLASH SALE : Art Of Initiation

We’re doing something we’ve never done before. For this weekend only, get our top-selling course, Art of Initiation, for just $40 (normally $89). That’s more than 50% off! Now through Sunday, September 28, 2025

Inside, you’ll learn how to initiate in ways that actually feel amazing for both of you. Trust us, it’s a total game-changer.

Grab AOI here: vmtherapy.com/initiation and use code FLASH40 at checkout.

Links & Resources:

Stay Connected

Follow us on Instagram @vanessaandxander

Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns Sign up here!

Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It’s the sex education you wish you had!

Also listen on

hey there!