You may have already heard that I’m launching a brand new program next month. It’s called Finishing School: Learn How To Orgasm. As the name implies, it’s designed to help women learn how to have their first orgasms alone and with a partner.

(You can get an introduction to the program, along with a free audio workshop about changing your relationship with your orgasm, by heading right over here)

While this program is obviously for the ladies, today I wanted to spend some time addressing those of you who sleep with women.

If your partner hasn’t had her first orgasm, or has a hard time orgasming when the two of you are together, you don’t have to be an idle bystander. Even though this is her discovery process, there are plenty of ways that you can be a great partner to her.

Here are some ways you can support her orgasmic journey:

Recognize that this is normal

A lot of women feel uncomfortable acknowledging their orgasmic difficulties, so it’s likely you’ve had at least one partner in the past who faked her orgasms. You may even be left with the impression that you’ve never met another pre-orgasmic woman. Unfortunately, the reality is that you’ve probably been with some pretty good fakers!

Don’t tell your current girlfriend that she’s the only woman you’ve ever been with who has had problems orgasming. #1, that’s definitely not true, #2, it’s hurtful, #3, it’s unhelpful!

Instead, remind her that there are plenty of women who don’t know how to orgasm yet, and that this is no big deal. Tell her you’re glad she trusted you enough to be honest with you.

 

Focus on her

Many of my female clients get shy about asking for attention. You can help her out by telling her “tonight I just want to focus on you.” Let her know that all she has to do is receive. Do this on a regular basis, and you’ll go a long way in helping her learn how to orgasm.

 

Give her all the time in the world

Did you know that the average woman requires 20 minutes of stimulation to reach orgasm? Help her feel unrushed by letting her know you’re not keeping track of time. When you’re going down on her, or touching her with your hand or a vibrator, tell her that you’re enjoying yourself.

 

Experiment with new techniques

If you’ve never been able to bring your lady to climax before, it’s worth trying to switch up your technique. Do some research on your own, and with her. Try different positions, strokes, levels of pressure, or speed. Or try using a vibrator on her. Ask her to give you feedback on what feels best.

 

Tell her that her orgasm is important to you

Let her know that you genuinely do care about her pleasure. Make it clear that she has your support.

 

But don’t pressure her to orgasm

There’s a fine line to walk here! If she feels like you’re expecting her to have an orgasm, wanting her to hurry up and get there, or feeling disappointed that she’s not having them, it’s going to make it so much harder for her to orgasm.

 

Make it fun

Learning how to orgasm doesn’t need to feel like a chore. It’s an incredibly exciting goal to work towards! It’s easy for women to get down on themselves, so let her know that you’re excited about her orgasmic journey. Help her be playful and enthusiastic.

 

Encourage her to sign up for Finishing School

You saw this one coming, right?! Some of the women who have already signed up for Finishing School have shared with me that their partners encouraged them to join the program. Having your support in taking such a big step would be a very powerful experience for her.