I know that the final week of the year always goes by in a blur. But don’t coast your way into 2019! You have an amazing opportunity here to set your relationship up so that 2019 is your best year yet.

The gifts your partner REALLY wants this year

All month, I’ve been sharing gifts your partner REALLY wants this holiday season.

(Click here for a reminder of gift #1, here for gift #2, and here for gift #3.)

The final gift that I want to share with you is the idea of creating relationship resolutions for 2019.

Most people set personal resolutions for the year, but very few people think about making relationship resolutions.

But setting goals for your relationship can be so powerful. It helps you work together as a team to keep growing and improving your relationship.

First, sit down with your partner and talk about how 2018 went for your relationship. Ask each other these questions:

• What did we do well as a team in 2018?

• What did we struggle with in 2019?

• What do we want to do less of in 2019?

• What do we want to do more of in 2019?

• What are our wishes for our relationship for 2019? 


Have one partner take notes as you have this conversation.

Next, take a look at your notes, and ask yourselves this question: “What specific actions can we take to prioritize each other and build a truly exceptional relationship in 2019?”

Write down any ideas that either of you come up with. Then, together, take a look at your list and pick around 3-5 relationship resolutions. You want the number to feel small enough to be manageable.

From your list, pick one thing that you can do in January, to start the year off with good momentum.

Write your list down and put it somewhere that you can both see, like next to your bathroom mirror or on your bedroom door.

Here are some ideas for potential relationship resolutions:

• Sign up for one of my online courses or book a sex therapy session. (I’d be honored to help you work towards your relationship and sex goals!)
• Agree to do a weekly date night.
• Schedule quality time or sex on a regular basis.
• Give each other daily compliments.
• Hire a housekeeper or nanny, or get some extra help at work or around the house so you can have more time with each other.
• Finally tackle those items that have been lurking on your to-do lists for years.
• Say “I love you” every day.
• Plan a romantic vacation for just the two of you.

Xander and I are in the midst of picking our resolutions for 2019. Here are some of the things we thought of for our own relationship:

• Be more creative with date nights. We tend to default to going out to dinner. We both love exploring new restaurants, but we also know there are lots of other things we can do.
• Have date nights where we don’t talk about work. Since we work together and are both excited about the work we do, we tend to talk about work a lot on our date nights. But we realized that it’s not super romantic to talk about work all the time!
• Go to some sort of couples retreat or workshop. We both love learning new techniques and ideas for improving our relationship. To be honest with you, I’ve been searching for a cool couples workshop for a long time, and haven’t found anything that actually sounds interesting. But I will not be deterred! I’m going to keep researching in 2019.
• Continue exploring in the bedroom. We made a few specific requests of each other that we’re excited to try.
• Continue traveling together, and go on a few trips throughout the year. Keep up our yearly traditions of going away together for our birthdays and anniversary.