When I tell a new friend or acquaintance that I’m a sex therapist, the reaction I most frequently get is, “Oh. Ooooh. OK.” This is usually followed by an awkward pause, an avoidance of eye contact, and some nervous shuffling of the feet.
I’ve never been surprised by this response because I know how uncomfortable the idea of sex therapy sounds to the public. The topic of sex in general is intimidating enough for most people, but the idea of requiring help in that area tends to make it even more embarrassing.
There are also a lot of fears about sex therapy because most people don’t really know what it is! When left to their own imaginations, many people end up creating outlandish, inappropriate, or embarrassing ideas about what sex therapy actually looks like.
So what can you really expect from sex therapy? I promise you, it’s not nearly as weird as you may be thinking!
Deciding if I’m the right sex therapist for you
One of the most important things I try to convey is that I’m not a one-size-fits-all type of therapist, and you’re not a one-size-fits-all type of client. It’s important for it to feel like it is a good match between us.
It takes time to build trust and comfort, but it should feel like both are possible right from the get-go. I’m compassionate, warm, and professional, but I also have a sense of humor. I’m there with you when things get emotional, and I might make you laugh when things are more light-hearted. I’m very enthusiastic about my work, and my passion tends to come across in session.
Choosing your format
I offer a variety of formats for sex therapy and coaching, based on your interests, resources, and goals. I offer:
- Video chat consultations and coaching sessions (also available over the phone if you’re shy). If you’re interested in sex therapy but not sure where to begin, my coaching packages are a great place to start.
- Email coaching, if you just want some quick answers or advice.
- Online courses covering topics like female orgasm and male performance anxiety.
Our first appointment
If you decide to start phone or video chat coaching, I’ll send you a detailed questionnaire to complete before our first appointment. You’ll answer questions about your schedule, interests, and background, so I can get a sense of what your life looks like. The questionnaire also asks you to share the challenges you’re currently having and how they are affecting your life. I’ll review your answers, and prepare a customized session for you.
During the session itself, I may ask you some follow-up questions. Then I’ll share my feedback from your answers to the questionnaire, and talk about strategies for making improvements. We’ll talk about your goals for moving forward, and what the next steps will be from there. You’ll be in the comfort and privacy of your own home during the appointment.
After the session, I’ll send you a long report with a number of exercises tailored just for you.
I like starting this way because it takes the pressure off you to figure out what to start talking about right off the bat. I know that the first appointment can be a little intimidating, so my goals is to make it as easy as possible for you.
The process of sex therapy
After the initial appointment, we’ll start to explore the nuances of your concerns and goals in further detail.
Being able to say things out loud that you may have have kept inside for years (or possibly even your entire life) is a deeply profound and healing experience in and of itself. Being able to feel yourself being compassionately and attentively listened to, and fully accepted as you are, can be surprisingly powerful.
Listening isn’t the only thing I do though. Throughout the session, I offer concrete suggestions for ways that you can engage and experiment with the topics at hand.
My particular brand of sex therapy emphasizes actually trying new things – Sexperiements, as I like to call them.
We study these experiences together in order to gather information, help you develop new skills, and create lasting solutions for your concerns. Examples can range from something as simple as doing one kind thing for yourself, to something more complex, like using a particular masturbation technique.
Sexperiments are always suggestions, and are never required. Oftentimes I collaborate with you to create Sexperiments that appeal to your interests and comfort levels.
What sex therapy is not
With me, sex therapy never includes any kind of sexual contact between therapist and client. You are never asked to act out sexual behaviors in front of me. If you’re in a couple, I may suggest that you and your partner try touch exercises during the session, but I only ever ask you to touch each other’s arms or hands. I maintain absolutely professional boundaries at all times.
Why sex therapy is worth your time
It’s my aim to make sex therapy more approachable, more engaging, and more fun!
The sad reality is that sex therapy is often used as a last-ditch effort for many people, but it is so much more effective – and so much more enjoyable – when you make the decision to come in before things have gotten out of hand.
I really like teaching people that there’s always something new to learn when it comes to sex. It doesn’t matter if you have a great sex life or a horrible sex life – you can benefit from sex therapy.
Interested in learning how sex therapy might be able to improve your relationship with your sexuality? Call (415) 658-5738 or visit my Appointments page to schedule a consultation.
