I’ve found that most women (sorry guys, it’s all about the ladies today!) fall into one of four camps when it comes to pleasure and sex:
The Overworked Busy Bee:
“I don’t have time for sex!”
“I’m too exhausted to even make out.”
“Let’s hurry up and get this over with.”
The Distancer:
“I just lay on my back and stare at the ceiling.”
“I don’t really enjoy sex, so I check out until it’s over.”
“Do what you need to do.”
The Self-Professed Neophyte:
“I’ve never been able to figure out how to orgasm, and I don’t think I’m ever going to get there.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing and it’s so embarrassing.”
The Self-Sacrificer:
“Your orgasm is more important than mine.”
“Oh, it’s fine, don’t worry about me, I take too long anyway.”
“Deep down, I feel like I don’t deserve pleasure.”
Be honest – which type most resembles your approach towards sex?
These types are important outside the bedroom too. The way you approach pleasure and sex mirrors the way you approach the other aspects of your life. If you self-sacrifice during sex, odds are you self-sacrifice in your relationships, at work, and with your friends. If you’re too busy for pleasure, you’re probably too busy to actually enjoy other parts of your life.
Your pleasure personality also shapes your resistance to change. It’s what holds you back from opportunities to prioritize and invest in your pleasure, like Finishing School: Learn How To Orgasm or The Passion Project: A couples’ guide to balancing mismatched sex drives and creating a sex life that feels fulfilling to you both.
The Overworked Busy Bee:
“I can’t make an 8-week commitment. I’ve got a million other things on my plate.”
The Distancer:
“No way, I don’t need more sex in my life. I’d rather grit my teeth and get it over with.”
The Self-Professed Neophyte:
“I’m never going to figure this stuff out anyway, and I don’t want to risk embarrassing myself.”
The Self-Sacrificer:
“I can’t take all this time for myself, and I certainly can’t spend this money on myself. Other things are more important.”
I think it’s time for all of us women to get real about our struggles with prioritizing ourselves, and help support each other make braver and more hopeful choices. Because let’s face it:
Do you really want a whole lifetime of being too exhausted for pleasure?
Do you really want a whole lifetime of staring at the ceiling?
Do you really want a whole lifetime of not knowing what you want?
Do you really want a whole lifetime of not thinking you’re worth it?
Are you ready to burst out of your pleasure personality and try something new? Then what are you waiting for? Sign up for one of my online courses!
